I made friends with the sun again! Had been going outdoors for roller blading on thurs and kayaking on sat! Glad to have my tan back :) Jurong Lake is finally opened for kayaking, haha but of course it isn't as nice as Mac Ritchie but the kayak rental there was only 7 dollars now with my new water venture card so it's pretty worth it. The kayaking area was quite small though with all the ugly HDB blocks spoiling the view. Haha but overall the chinese garden and japanese garden still have their charms, especially the latter, felt quite out of Singapore there. Gonna get sun kissed more often with more outdoor plans for the remaining months! Some of them include, rock climbing, wind surfing, forest grand course and kite flying! Hope they work out well. For now I just wanna stay away from art and design for a while, need some time to recharge and feel inspired again.
I was looking at my old entries from 2009 onwards, have been quite alot of emo entries and I must admit I really feel down quite often. When is this all time low going to end once and for all, zzz. Sure there are happy times, but they always seem to be overshadowed and gobbled up by this menacing negativity that always lurk in my mind, not long after. I've been fighting this inner voice which had been telling me that I sucked and maybe I'm better off dead than being a burden to this world. Sometimes images of different ways of suicide will flash past my mind with the most often being slitting of wrist, I'll just imagine it being cut. But I know I won't really do it, I know that I can fight it and I'll be strong, at least a part of me still wants to live on, still naively believing that there is such thing as happily ever after. But that aside, I guess I'll figure out the meaning to life one day, it's just the matter of time.
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