Love letter

Amidst all the boredom I've been experiencing at home, out came a surprise love letter! I guess I'm quite taken aback by this. Although I could already sense that she has feelings for me some time ago, I thought that if I don't treat her too good, don't take much initiatives and openly show my flaws, things could just go on for normal as I really feel quite comfortable of us being just friends. It isn't the first time a girl confessed to me, but I've never received it in a letter format and it's super long, mainly saying how good I am and all. However the more good she says about me, the more inferior I feel, I don't think I'm that good to deserve any of those praising. I guess I'm lucky in a way, being loved by people I met along the way, but not as lucky as to meet someone I feel mutually for and have that relationship last, that one true love just never seem to come by. Yeah, I do like her in certain ways but I'm not sure if it will eventually develop into love.

It all started when I got to know her online. There are quite a lot of common topics to share and she does have qualities I look for in a partner like being musically-inclined, enjoy the nature and the outdoors, being nice and always there when I needed someone to talk to or do something with, etc. We talked for many months but never really met, the reason being me getting tied down with school and also I felt the lack of confidence to face her. Then came my birthday and she played and sang "tian hei hei" for me, which she specially spent time learning, I was so touched then as I felt that it was a really sincere gift. That was the first time I sensed that she likes me, but I didn't give much thought to it as she's someone I've not even met.

When we finally met, it actually felt quite comfortable and not really awkward. Then I thought maybe she's the one I'm looking for and perhaps we could try dating first. So some of the places we went were of a more romantic setting. However, I felt that there's something missing, sure the places are romantic and beautiful, but not the moment. I don't feel the spark, the sweetness, the passion that's supposed to be present when you're in love. And that kinda feeling will even exist in the most boring places if she's the one. It was really quite disappointing as a nice girl like her is hard to come by. Or maybe she's too nice. Sadly, people who are too nice are often taken for granted and people usually fall in love with someone who's a little nasty.

I've always thought that I would get a younger girlfriend because I'm childish and maybe we'll suit each other more. Perhaps I'm wrong, her being 4 years younger than me, I kinda feel that I've a lot to share with her that she doesn't know of and is interested in listening, but she doesn't have much to share with me as whatever she has experienced, I already know. Furthermore I find myself having the urge to change her in certain ways. If it's love, you would accept the person for who she is and may even be influenced by her but that's not happening.

I'm not getting any younger and my parents and friends have been asking when am I gonna get a girlfriend. However I'm not jumping into a relationship for all the wrong reasons other than truly loving the person. It wouldn't be fair for her. Now I must think of a way to reject her properly so that our friendship will not be affected. Relationships can be such a chore. Hmm, I do hope one day I can meet the right person. (sounding a little desperate.) Haha, or maybe I'll stay single all my life as falling in love became such a difficult thing to do after being hurt before. Glad this blog is around for me to express my feelings, I've always wanted to talk about relationship issues with a friend, but don't know to whom.